I think we should have a turn of phrase for “I’m not in the right, but I AM annoyed with this situation, so I just need to go bitch to a friend about this before I suck it up and go do the right thing” because more and more I’m finding this is a critical element of functional adulthood.
Various tags on this post like “isn’t that venting?” “isn’t that kvetching?” and sure it’s a subcategory of that. But those are missing the key detail of this specific case which is the “I’m not in the right.”
It’s the “fuck I’m NOT in the right, I GET that, I WILL be mature about this, I WILL just suck it up, I WON’T take it out on the person who’s annoying me because they haven’t actually done anything wrong, but by satan’s spicy asshole I AM annoyed. So I’m gonna spend 5 minutes in private being a dramatic bitch about it before I get over it and go be a perfectly civil reasonable adult about it.”
This is important.
Acknowledge the fact it’s okay to be wrong and annoyed about it. Vent the frustration.
Put your adult undies on and be responsible for resolving the issue.
“Unfortunately my circus, unfortunately my monkeys”
“No one can love you until you love yourself” is like the worst possible way of articulating “if you don’t respect and value yourself, it’s very easy to become attracted to people who don’t treat you right and then justify their mistreatment, so be careful.”
so THAT’S what it’s supposed to mean. that actually makes sense.
im pretty sure there’s also an element of like. “if you hate yourself you might push others away and build walls around yourself, and while that doesn’t prevent others from loving you, it can prevent you from actually feeling it.”
And the “you” they’re loving won’t be the actual you, since you’re not presenting the real you to them. They’ll love a shadow of who you really are.
Once you start loving yourself, the people who loved the old you may not love you anymore; but it’s okay, because now that people can see who you really are, the people who vibe with the real you will be attracted to you and you to them.
Ok so at this point I’ve had two people roll up to me in manual wheelchairs, well, one of them was somebody pushing somebody who was nonverbal at the time, but it still counts. They asked me why I had zip ties around my tires.
It’s winter where I’m living and we have really bad snow. And the snow plow people are really bad at their jobs probably because there aren’t snow plow people who clean sidewalks. As a solution I got to thinking about how I could increase the traction on my wheels. And the most redneck thing I could think of was taking a bunch of zip ties and tying them around my wheels. They last surprisingly long, and work surprisingly well. It’s basically the same premise as chains for your tires during the winter.
I chose to space them out pretty evenly so there’s about one for every spoke. You could probably do more or less depending on how many you want and how much traction you get but I wouldn’t go more than three per spoke. I realize that it’s a bit later in the winter, and I probably should have made a post about this sooner, but I came up with it about a week ago. So please share this, even if you’re not disabled, because there are tons of people I know who are stuck in their houses because they can’t get around in the snow. A pack of zip ties costs about $5, which compared to $200 knobby snow tires is a big save, and if you want to invest you could get colored zip ties.
Sharing for accessibility
Oh fuck yes. Thank you all the abled people between op and me this is exactly what I needed to see 💜
ooh sweet, thanks for the tip
(for anyone using their chair both indoors and outside, highly recommend wheelchair ‘slippers’/wheel socks like these so you don’t tear up wood/vinyl/linoleum flooring with the zip ties!)
I learned there’s literally nothing to be afraid of about it, and I’m amazing at handling it. Introspection, psychic functioning, and interdimensional subjects are my main interests; and I understand the main metaphysical laws governing All That Is; so even the painful subjects and traumatic events are a blast to deal with.
Like…FINALLY, I can get movement in this area I’ve been working on for years.
I’m taking psilocybin to make drastic changes, like being stuck by lightning.
Or like how that paranoid hypochondriac ensign in Star Trek: Voyager was inhabited by the entity when Janeway took her wayward sheep on their first away mission, and afterward he was cured.
Or in Star Trek: TNG when John touched Geordi and his social anxiety was just gone.
I’ve mentally expanded well beyond what my body and certain ingrained belief systems will allow, so this is helping release the rubber band that’s been pulled back so far for so long, so I can shoot forward and make miraculous progress.
It offered to go deeper on the biggest issue, but I was like, “I…I don’t have enough mushrooms to go further right now.” And we instantly changed subjects.
My next session will (probably) be 5g lemon tek, three days in a row.
3 days on, 4 days off. Because you have to space things out so your body has a chance to reset some, but also you have to be able to stay in bed for a few hours at a time each day. You can (and should) get water and all that; but this is for going inward, and you want as little external stimulation as possible. I listened to a 10 hour recording of birds in a park, but silence would be cool too. No awkward trip sitter, loud people, things that have to be done, or anything else that would detract from the experience.
I’ve never been good at the external world, but the internal world is my realm.
The mushrooms literally can’t keep up with me.
I’m so fucking ready to go again. I’ve been in extreme physical pain and a continual panic attack for as long as I can remember, so I’m like, “Let’s do this! Healing trauma is my jam!”
The mushroom state is my natural state. Being here is the hard part.
I visited many people and dimensions (more sensed than saw), some healers, some happy random observers, and some interdimensional annoyances, and they each had different things to say.
“What a busy bee you are!”
“The wound is deep.”
And I grabbed somebody’s forearm and said something like, “Stop. Talking. (Or whatever they were doing). I’m trying to live my life, and what you’re doing is interfering with my ability to do so.” They apologized, and I was off to the next thing.
I was out of a lot of my pain for a few hours, and I learned that I’m not stuck where I’ve been stuck for the past 4 or 5 years. (Too much emotional and physical pain to work, little money as a result, can barely buy anything to survive, means no mobility or much hope the traditional way. So…stuck. and dying. Extreme intelligence with nothing to do. Death.)
But I’m not stuck. I’m just passing through this person and this place. And with the mushrooms help, I can stop time here and go visit anywhere else I want to, then rejoin this space-time when I want to.
“I don’t like this. What’s next?” And off I’d go to the next thing.“
I also learned why I’ve had such terrible "luck” with remote viewing and how to fix it.
Review: 7289/10. Would recommend.
Checkout Doubleblindmag.com if you’re interested in growing your own (you also get access to a discord group with the authors of the Psilocybin Mushroom Bible and can ask them questions about your grows). There are also legit places to order the end results from regardless of the state you live in while you get the stuff together to grow your own. You just have to not be afraid to use Google, despite your fears.
Yeah, and I live in Mississippi on a shoestring budget, with my mom. If it’s important, you’re interested in healing, and this stuff interests you, you’ll find a way. It may take 6 months to get everything together, but it’s well worth it. And resources (like legit places to order from) will find their way to you if you pursue it. Not me. But others. Due to the insane non-legality of it, the system is designed where you have to read between the lines and take initiative, which is something I used to be terrible at. But then again, I was also raised a Bible-thumping Southern Baptist kid whose main shtick was being honest to a fault and respecting authority above all and expecting others to tell me what to do. So I had absolutely no street smarts or boundaries. I was in jail one time 10 years ago for 5 days due to alcohol (which is terrible compared to psilocybin), and I sided with the jailers. Yeah. That didn’t go over well. I do a facepalm at my ignorance now.
“You are supported in your endeavors to the degree that you do them without fear.”
Anyway. I know this is jumbled and disjointed. I don’t care. I used to be great at writing until teachers and life crushed me. What’s the point? I don’t have the energy anymore. Rejection. Rejection. Shit. Don’t measure up. Failure. Smart. But a failure. Not worth the time.
But that was my teachers. The College Board loved my AP English 11 essays.
I was in a panic attack 24/7 from birth and thought it was normal. Perfectionist smart kid. Absolutely could not stand the thought of getting in trouble. It was worse than death.
That’s another reason I’m taking mushrooms.
Because my teachers and other persons in authority were so fucking wrong. And I need a reset.
11 Months Later
I no longer take psilocybin, and–for me–it’s not all it’s cracked up to be.
Set and setting are vital, and my current (and past) set and setting were too bad for it to be a good idea.
Whatever you feel on mushrooms is artificial (like coffee or adderall), so it’s going to go away, and soon. However you felt will be gone, and whatever you have going on in your life before will still be there.
For me, every time I took mushrooms, all my good energetic connections and good momentum I’d built up surrounding certain areas of my life were wiped clean. If you’re autistic or ADHD, you understand how important it is to have momentum and how absolutely horrible it is to have to start all that momentum again from scratch.
Every single time, no matter the dose, I have to start from scratch. If your surroundings are good, your bank account is good, your friendships are good, your house is good, your life is good etc, then starting from scratch there probably isn’t so bad. But starting from almost nothing on all those fronts, it’s just not worth it. I need my momentum, and I’m learning to raise my vibration on my own. It sucks. But it’s overall better.
“Why do I want to put shelves on that wall? Why did I want to go back to college?”
Anything not firmly cemented was (and still is to a large degree) out the window. I had thoughts about them that were gathering more thoughts and momentum that was turning to action, but each mushroom experience wiped the feelings and thoughts out.
So projects from a year ago are still unfinished, because they’ve blended into the background and have been emotionally forgotten.
I can’t control my thoughts or feelings on a mushroom trip or even microdose, and if I can’t control my thoughts or feelings, I can’t control my reality (life).
I manifested a (partially broken) ipad on mushrooms one day because I was feeling kinda good and a $1,600 car accident in my family the next as I felt really bad.
It’s been a month or so since that Good/Bad stint ^ (which was a kind of test to see if I really wanted to stop taking mushrooms), and I’m still recovering from it physically, emotionally, and overall vibrationally.
I discovered that I close my heart on mushrooms for some reason, which does actually allow me to do things I’m normally too afraid to do (which is how I started going to the gym and canceled a Verizon watch line they were supposed to automatically cancel 8 months ago).
But on the flip side, I discovered I “see” through my heart/vibration/emotions, and I’m almost completely “blind” right now. My 6th sense (ambiance) is gone, and my 7th sense (psychic functioning) is even worse. They’ll come back eventually, but in the meantime, I’m blind and making less than stellar choices.
It’s like on Star Trek: TNG when Deanna Troi loses her empathic powers. She’s blind. There’s no depth to anything. There’s no joy in anything. Everything is just a construct. An item. An object. Dead. Not real. People are just robots, and everything is unknowable, because my senses are dead.
I don’t know why I close my heart on mushrooms, but substantial trial and error have proven to me that I do, and as a result, my life becomes a hellish wreck after I come down. When the ups are good, they’re great, and when the downs are bad, they’re nightmares. My life is already not good, and I got tired of having my progress wiped out and starting from fucking scratch each and every time.
So, as much as I appreciate the positives that have come from mushrooms (I go to the gym now! And some other things), I don’t fuck with mushrooms. Not now. Maybe in 10 or 20 years when my life is better and I’m out of fear.
I need the security of knowing whether the car is rolling or if I’m imagining it and what my pin number is while at Wal-Mart.
I just need security right now, and mushrooms are definitely not that.
ALT
